We all know that the holidays can be stressful, so here are a few of our original Christmas cocktail recipes that are sure to take the edge off. Leave all your notions that sweet, chocolatey holiday cocktails are too girly in your panty drawer, Susan, because this is how you do it right.
40oz. of Horror Hot Toddy
2 oz. Wild Turkey Special Reserve
1 or 2 tea bags (black tea)
1 Tbsp honey
1 slice of lemon
1 cup of hot water
1 cinnamon stick
Make like your grandma and boil some water in a tea kettle. When the whistle’s a blowin’ the water’s ready for flowin’ — so pour the hot water into a good sized coffee mug. That’s right, we’re drinking this booze-ooze out of a mug like a 1950s high school principal. Now take your tea bags and tea-bag that water until it’s good and brown. Be careful with this step because this tea is as hot as a freshly-baked Totino’s Pizza Roll. Dump in the Wild Turkey Special Reserve and the rest of your ingredients. Give it a slow stir with a cinnamon stick and garnish the rim with a slice of lemon. Sip slowly on a cold winter’s night and this drink will cure what ails ya!
If you’re feeling especially festive, finish this tea with clove *cigarette.
*Surgeon Brandon’s Warning: Smoking causes cancer and drinking gets you drunk.
Drunken Elf Eggnog
2 oz. Courvoisier Cognac
5 oz. eggnog
Typical holiday spiked eggnog calls for any run-of-the-mill brandy, but up in here, we’re taking a page out of The Ladies’ Man playbook and using Courvoisier Cognac! Other than using some fine cognac, toss any notion of classy out the fucking window and fill up a Moose Mug with eggnog. Slurp the top of the eggnog down to make room for the ‘gnac. Open the bottle of Courvoisier and take a good whiff — savor that shit (because it smells awesome) — then pour it into the eggnog. Give the Moose Mug a little swirl, then add a couple dashes of cinnamon and nutmeg. Drink it down, Cousin Eddie, because it’s Christmas!
Hit the Floor Hot Chocolate
1 can of alcohol-infused whipped cream
32 oz. instant hot chocolate
6 oz. peppermint schnapps
Bacardi 151 cherries
2 – 5 days before you plan on serving this cocktail, put cherries in a jar and fill up the jar with Bacardi 151. Seal up the jar and put it in your refrigerator. Make your instant hot chocolate according to the directions on the package. Give a little to your kids and tell them to go to bed or else Santa’s going to skip your house. Now take the rest and add your favorite brand of peppermint schnapps. Give it a stir and top it off with a healthy squirt of loaded whipped cream. For a real kick in the pants, top the cream with a Bacardi 151 cherry. If you’re feeling like Martha Stewart, grate some chocolate dust or add some chocolate sprinkles on top. If you’re enjoying this drink at a frat party, dare all your bros to take shots of the remaining Bacardi 151 cherry juice.
(serves about 4 people… or yourself depending on how bad/good your night is.)
Always remember to drink responsibly and have a happy holiday!