First an apology:
I’m sober as I write this review. It may not be as comical as the ones in the past but I will try my best.
Sometimes a beer isn’t very good. It’s not that this beer is bad, per se, but it’s not very good either. Would I drink it again? If someone bought me one at a bar, I would definitely drink it, but I would not shell out the money for it, even though it was only six dollars for the 1 pint, 9 fluid oz. bottle.
The reason that I gravitated (See what I did there? Beer nerd pun) toward this beer, in particular, was the name. I was trying to pick out some beers with horror themes, and this fit the bill. I mean, I am doing this for a horror podcast’s website. On to the beer!
The appearance was very dark, which was to be expected. After all, it is a porter. The head was there and gone in a flash and was very small, much like the head of your penis.
The jokes just aren’t as funny when you don’t have a few in you…
“This Nightmare porter turned out to be a true nightmare.”
The aroma was nice; it had the obvious coffee and chocolate smells in addition to something I couldn’t quite place. I think it was alcohol. I checked the label and it was only 5%—small by beer standards—so I thought that maybe it was a fluke.
As I began to drink the beer, I realized the alcohol was not a fluke. Oddly enough, the alcohol seemed to stand out more than anything. It was like someone brewed some strong coffee, added cocoa powder and poured rubbing alcohol into the mix. I would expect this in some imperial stouts but not a 5% porter. Leave it to the British to fuck things up.* The beer was bland, and I think because of this blandness, the alcohol stood out more. If presented with this beer, go have a Guinness instead; at least the Irish know what they’re doing. Yes, I resisted on using the line “this Nightmare porter turned out to be a true nightmare.” You’re welcome.
*There are good British beers out there.
Taste: 24oz of horror
Aroma: 31oz of horror
Appearance: 30oz of horror
Palate: 28oz of horror
Overall: 27oz of horror
*Ratings out of 40oz of Horror